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Rain In My Bones
I try. I shape myself into what I imagine will fit, polish the edges, tuck the jagged corners, paint over the restless cracks that betray how much I want, how much I reach. I bend and stretch, a puzzle twisted and untwisted, a melody played out of key just to be heard. And yet here Continue reading
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I Carry Her With Me
I keep thinking about my mom and how hard she worked, how little she was ever given in return, and how unfair it all seems. She made minimum wage her entire life and worked her ass to the bone. She never had opportunities and she never had the chance to retire. My started over when Continue reading
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This Is What I Want
This is all I want. It is the one thing I’m truly striving for. Not success in the way it’s usually measured. Not productivity for the sake of proving something. Not more noise, more pressure, or more performance. What I want goes deeper than meditation, deeper than “self-care,” deeper than a few calm moments carved Continue reading
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Happy New Year!
Happy New Year, everyone. I wish I was coming into this year feeling refreshed and energized, but if I’m being completely honest, I am soooo exhausted. Like deeply, fully drained. Tomorrow is Friday and I still have three more days before I go back to work and officially start my new job as an adjunct Continue reading
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Pinch Me
I still can’t believe it. I mean that literally. I’m a college professor now. The word professor is actually in my job title and every single time I see it, my brain short circuits. I stare at it. I reread it. I wait for someone to tell me there’s been a mistake. Because surely they Continue reading
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Enneagram 4
This is one of the greatest video on my enneagram type- Enneagram 4! The video specific for character development in writing, but it is eye opening! After watching this video, I identify as a Social Four. I find this to be quite amazing because aunt Shirley is one of my favorite literary characters. I love Continue reading
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What Am I Doing?
I finally took the time to slow down. In the stillness, I feel the edges of myself I’d forgotten and the pieces I’ve lost along the way. I feel the absence of my mom more sharply than I thought I could and the weight of the holidays presses in. I sit with it all—the longing, Continue reading
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Memories
I went through my mom’s perfumes today: Chanel, Charlie, White Diamonds, Body by Victoria, just to name a few. So many memories that made me happy and sad at the same time. I miss my mom. There’s something about scent, you know? It can take you back in an instant, make you feel close to Continue reading
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Completely Moved
I am completely and utterly moved by this class. I don’t even know where to begin, except to say that being in that space with the students, with the faculty, with everyone in the ESL department, has touched me in a way I wasn’t expecting. There is a generosity here, a kindness that is so Continue reading
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A Slow, Honest Thanksgiving
This Thanksgiving is a little quieter for me and a little slower. Nothing fancy. It’s just real life. You’ll see clips of my day, cooking, puttering around the house, and talking about the things I’m thankful for this year. It’s my fourth Thanksgiving without my mom, so the day feels different but I invited my Continue reading
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The Life That Fits Me
I am so tired. Even after sleeping well, even after a quiet morning, my body insisted I lie down, and I ended up napping for four hours. Four hours. I’ve never been a napper. I’ve never needed it. And yet here I am giving in because my body won’t let me ignore the weight pressing Continue reading
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The Dream That Shook Me Awake
Last night I had one of the most terrifying dreams I’ve had in a long time and it left me waking up with this heavy, uneasy feeling that still hasn’t lifted. It was vivid in a way that felt brutally real and the worst part is that it involved actual people from my job. For Continue reading
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I Need A Reset
I’m overwhelmed. There are so many things that need to be done and I feel like they’re all piling up on top of me. I’m exhausted from the world and from life right now and I just needed to admit that out loud. Tonight I finally hit the point where I couldn’t push anymore. I Continue reading
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I Got the Job and I’m Somehow Excited, Terrified, and a Little Bit of a Mess!!!!!
Okay, so… I actually got the job!!!!!! I’m officially going to be an adjunct English as a Second Language instructor at a local community college. I still don’t think it’s fully sunk in. I’m excited, like genuinely excited but also terrified. I keep thinking about my mom. English wasn’t her first language,it might not even Continue reading
The Dreamer's Pen 