The Dreamer's Pen

Coming back to work after surgery felt like walking into a space I once knew but now had to relearn. I told myself I’d ease back in, be gentle with my body, honor the healing process. And I really thought I understood what that meant. But this first week? It reminded me how much I still have to learn about grace , especially when it comes to giving it to myself.

The truth is, I didn’t feel ready. Not in the way I thought I would. My body is still mending, and my energy feels different, quieter, slower. I’ve had to move at a pace that doesn’t match the rhythm of my usual days. And for someone like me, who thrives on being capable, dependable, and present for others, that’s a hard adjustment.

I’ve felt tired in a way that sleep doesn’t fix. I’ve had to ask for help more than I’m used to. I’ve had moments where I’ve sat at my desk, looked at my to-do list, and felt this ache, not just physically, but emotionally too. Healing is hard. It’s not linear, it’s not predictable, and it doesn’t come with a checklist.

But this week, I kept showing up. Even when my steps were slower. Even when my mind wandered. Even when I felt like I had nothing to give. I reminded myself that showing up — even halfway, still counts. That my worth isn’t measured by how productive I am. That it’s okay to be in process.

What humbled me most this week wasn’t just how much I needed rest, it was how much I needed grace. Grace to pause. Grace to not answer everything right away. Grace to sit down when my body asked me to. Grace to simply exist without performing strength for the sake of appearances.

I’m learning that healing isn’t something you force. It’s something you partner with. It requires listening, slowing down, and staying honest about where you really are — not where you think you “should” be by now.

So, if you’ve ever come back to work after a surgery, an illness, or even just a difficult chapter — I see you. I’m with you. It’s not easy. But it’s real. And there’s strength in that honesty.

This first week back wasn’t smooth, but it was real. And that’s something I can be proud of.