The Dreamer's Pen

I used to hold grudges. Like, really hold them. If you hurt me, you went into my mental file cabinet and I never forgot. But honestly, that wasn’t just me being stubborn, it was me being stuck.

PTSD will do that. And let me just say this: PTSD is not a joke. It’s not just a word you throw around when something mildly annoying happens. It’s real. It’s heavy. And it can be completely debilitating. For me, it was like reliving the trauma on a loop, even though the person was long gone. And when you’re stuck like that, grudges feel like protection.

It took me over 10 years to finally get the right help. But once I did, things started to shift. I could actually start healing. And with healing came this realization: grudges don’t protect me, they just keep me tied to people and moments I don’t want in my life anymore.

Now, I’m not talking about excusing abuse or assault, those things are real, and serious, and they leave scars. What I mean is the smaller stuff. The things people say without thinking. The dumb little mistakes that hurt. Those used to be enough to land someone in my “do not forgive” pile. But now? I don’t see the point. People screw up. Sometimes they’re thoughtless, sometimes they’re jerks, but holding onto that only keeps me stuck with them.

I don’t want to live like that anymore. I’d rather focus on loving myself, loving my life, and moving forward. So no, I don’t hold grudges these days. I’ve got better things to do.