The Dreamer's Pen

I keep thinking about my mom and how hard she worked, how little she was ever given in return, and how unfair it all seems. She made minimum wage her entire life and worked her ass to the bone. She never had opportunities and she never had the chance to retire.

My started over when she moved here, learned a new language, and did work that was physically and emotionally exhausting. And here I am, with these opportunities, and she’s not here to even see them. That part is just really hard for me.

It’s becoming more and more real because on the fifth I start my teaching job. I can’t even believe it. Saying that out loud still feels surreal. I think my mom would be so proud of me and that thought alone is overwhelming. There’s this strange mix of gratitude and grief and guilt all tangled together. Part of me feels like I don’t even deserve this. My mom never had any of these opportunities. She never got to step into a role like this, never got recognition or financial stability or a chance to grow into something easier.

And here I am, given the chance to teach. I can’t stop thinking about the contrast. It doesn’t feel fair sometimes. But I know that what I have to do is be strong. I have to show up, not just for myself, but for her. She was a woman who endured so much, who never let the world completely erase her dignity, who navigated life in a second language with quiet courage and perseverance.

The people I am teaching are learning English as a second language, too. I think about her when I think about them. I think about how she might have needed someone to see her, to believe in her, to meet her with patience and kindness. I want to be that person. I want to take this opportunity and use it well, to honor her life and her struggle in a way that feels meaningful.

It’s hard. It’s overwhelming. But I carry her with me into this next chapter. In every class, in every word I speak, in every moment of doubt and determination, she is there. And maybe this is how I make peace with the unfairness of it all, by doing this not instead of her, but for her.