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Sore, Humbled, and Grateful: A Day in Service
Today is the end of the day, and I’m still carrying everything I saw. I went in expecting a few hours of volunteering, thinking I’d help in small ways and leave feeling like I had done something good. But the day unfolded differently. My shift lasted far longer than planned because people kept coming. Families, Continue reading
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Why Do I Keep Hiding?
Lately I’ve been asking myself a question that won’t leave me alone: “Why do I keep trying to be something I’m not?” Why do I keep molding myself to fit into rooms that drain me, conversations that flatten me, expectations that make me feel small? Why do I keep comparing myself to people who were Continue reading
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The Shape of Me
I wrote a song about being the Enneagram 4 and what it’s like to feel deeply, notice everything, and exist fully in all the messiness and beauty of life. Visit my Suno page to hear my other music: Continue reading
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Lost
I don’t know who I’m supposed to be anymore. I keep trying to adjust to soften my edges and to make sense in a world that feels too loud. But every time I try, I lose a little more of myself. I thought depth was a gift. Now it just feels heavy. I thought understanding Continue reading
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Becoming the Person Who Can Hold It All
It sounds like I’ll probably be teaching an ESL course starting in January. When I say that out loud, it feels both exciting and humbling, like a door quietly opening into the next chapter of my life. I’m nervous, of course. Not because I doubt my ability, but because I know how much balance this Continue reading
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Fractured Moonlight
Night devours the tree Moonlight fractures on cold limbs Silence tastes of grief Continue reading
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Life, Lately
I keep thinking about how I thought life would be. When I was a kid, I imagined this perfect sparkling version of adulthood. I would be a world famous musician, performing in beautiful concert halls wearing gowns that shimmered under the lights. I’d have this brilliantly talented musician husband and together we’d travel the world Continue reading
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Mood
WhyTimeWhyTime painted all our pagesWhy things don’t feel the same?Time painted all our pagesWhy things don’t feel the same?Time painted all our pagesWhy things don’t feel the same?Time painted all our pagesWhy things don’t feel the same?Time painted all our pagesWhy things don’t feel the same?Time painted all our pagesWhyTimeWe don’t have to say soThere’s Continue reading
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I Can’t Sit Around
So many people are losing their food benefits starting November 1, and I can’t sit by and watch that happen. I know what it’s like to be food insecure. I remember my mom taking food that would’ve been thrown away from her work, hiding it in her purse or her coat just to bring it Continue reading
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In with the good, out with the bad
Last night, I had a massage with James. His hands are healing. Wow. I feel so much calmer this morning. Centered. Grounded. Ready for a day of just being home, reflecting, and breathing. A female colleague asked me recently, “What truly sets your soul on fire?” That question hasn’t left me alone. It made me Continue reading
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OMG
I can’t believe I’m finally going to see Pat Metheny in April!!! My heart could honestly burst!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Continue reading
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Power Out
My body has been hurting so bad. My back and neck are completely locked up and the pain has been nonstop for days. And I’ve had a horrible migraine since the end of last week. Sitting, standing, lying down – nothing feels right. I try to ignore it, I try to push through, but it’s Continue reading
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The Comfort of Hard Times
It’s Saturday morning. I made breakfast and ate it in bed. Blanket wrapped around me, coffee in hand, quiet all around. I don’t even feel guilty. I need this. I’m about to draw another bath. The water will be hot enough to sink into my bones to loosen the aches that won’t go away. Outside Continue reading
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Hibernate
alone, anxiety, Authenticity, autumn, body, cozy, dark, death, deep-thoughts, emotions, exhausted, existentialism, fear, feeler, feelings, FemininePower, funeral, grief, guilt, healing, health, hibernation, hurt, hurting, inner-work, lazy, life, lonely, loss, mental health, my life, night, pain, rain, recovery, relationships, relaxation, rest, self care, Self portrait, Self Reflection, sleep, Slow Down, still life, suffering, tension, tired, tiresome, wellness, worn, worried, Zen -
Carrying Ghosts
I don’t really understand what’s happening, but it feels like my symptoms are coming back. My neck and shoulders are so tense it feels like I’m carrying the weight of everything I’ve ever survived. It’s the same tension I had before I was medicated, the kind that never really leaves. I am also so incredibly Continue reading
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Dear Infj,
You give. You give everything. Your heart, your time, your energy, your attention – and yet, so often, it feels like the world doesn’t see you. You pour yourself into others, believing in connection, in goodness, in the possibility of shared understanding. But instead, you find yourself misunderstood, overlooked, and sometimes even used. Lauren Sapala Continue reading
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Numb
I am drained. Everything swirls. It’s chaotic and relentless. Political upheaval rattles the news. My car, side swiped on the way home today. (But I am okay) Exhaustion settles deep. Grief. Trauma. I need rest. I will hibernate this weekend. Hide from the noise, from the storm, from everything. Continue reading
car, exhausted, experiences, grief, hibernation, hurt, hurting, life, moments, numb, pain, Self Reflection, trauma, veg out -
Letting Go: The Hardest Donation I’ve Ever Made
Today I took an enormous carload (literally packed from floor to ceiling ) of clothes to charity. I know it probably sounds simple, but it was honestly one of the hardest things I’ve done in a really long time. Handing over those bags felt like letting go of pieces of myself. And now, I’ll be Continue reading
anxiety, Authenticity, autumn, blog, body image, charity, clothes, consciousness, creative-writing, deep-thoughts, donation, emotions, empty, enneagram4w5, experiences, fall, FemininePower, grief, healing, heartache, infj, inner-work, Intuition, life, lonely, longing, loss, moments, mother, pain, Self Reflection, self-discovery, spiritual, suffering, wardrobe, women’s health
The Dreamer's Pen 