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I Need A Reset
I’m overwhelmed. There are so many things that need to be done and I feel like they’re all piling up on top of me. I’m exhausted from the world and from life right now and I just needed to admit that out loud. Tonight I finally hit the point where I couldn’t push anymore. I… Continue reading
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I Got the Job and I’m Somehow Excited, Terrified, and a Little Bit of a Mess!!!!!
Okay, so… I actually got the job!!!!!! I’m officially going to be an adjunct English as a Second Language instructor at a local community college. I still don’t think it’s fully sunk in. I’m excited, like genuinely excited but also terrified. I keep thinking about my mom. English wasn’t her first language,it might not even… Continue reading
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Dreams, Guidance, and Finding My Path
Lately, my mom has been showing up in my dreams. She’s been gone for four years but in these dreams she feels so present like she’s walking beside me again, guiding me and quietly cheering me on. I keep finding myself back in her home in Germany. I’m helping people who don’t speak English. Some… Continue reading
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Listening To My Whole Self
Yesterday I had a massage that was… honestly, painful in the most delicious way. I had a different therapist this time. It was a petite woman who went deep. She found places in my back I didn’t even know existed and we breathed together as she worked, releasing tension, releasing energy I didn’t even realize… Continue reading
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What Are We Doing Here?
Sometimes I just sit. I don’t do anything. I let the world move around me and I just watch. In those moments, the questions hit me like stones in a pond and they ripple endlessly: what are we doing here? Why are we really here? Why does it feel like everything we do is designed… Continue reading
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Sore, Humbled, and Grateful: A Day in Service
Today is the end of the day, and I’m still carrying everything I saw. I went in expecting a few hours of volunteering, thinking I’d help in small ways and leave feeling like I had done something good. But the day unfolded differently. My shift lasted far longer than planned because people kept coming. Families,… Continue reading
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Why Do I Keep Hiding?
Lately I’ve been asking myself a question that won’t leave me alone: “Why do I keep trying to be something I’m not?” Why do I keep molding myself to fit into rooms that drain me, conversations that flatten me, expectations that make me feel small? Why do I keep comparing myself to people who were… Continue reading
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The Shape of Me
I wrote a song about being the Enneagram 4 and what it’s like to feel deeply, notice everything, and exist fully in all the messiness and beauty of life. Visit my Suno page to hear my other music: Continue reading
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Lost
I don’t know who I’m supposed to be anymore. I keep trying to adjust to soften my edges and to make sense in a world that feels too loud. But every time I try, I lose a little more of myself. I thought depth was a gift. Now it just feels heavy. I thought understanding… Continue reading
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Becoming the Person Who Can Hold It All
It sounds like I’ll probably be teaching an ESL course starting in January. When I say that out loud, it feels both exciting and humbling, like a door quietly opening into the next chapter of my life. I’m nervous, of course. Not because I doubt my ability, but because I know how much balance this… Continue reading
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Fractured Moonlight
Night devours the tree Moonlight fractures on cold limbs Silence tastes of grief Continue reading
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Life, Lately
I keep thinking about how I thought life would be. When I was a kid, I imagined this perfect sparkling version of adulthood. I would be a world famous musician, performing in beautiful concert halls wearing gowns that shimmered under the lights. I’d have this brilliantly talented musician husband and together we’d travel the world… Continue reading
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Mood
WhyTimeWhyTime painted all our pagesWhy things don’t feel the same?Time painted all our pagesWhy things don’t feel the same?Time painted all our pagesWhy things don’t feel the same?Time painted all our pagesWhy things don’t feel the same?Time painted all our pagesWhy things don’t feel the same?Time painted all our pagesWhyTimeWe don’t have to say soThere’s… Continue reading
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I Can’t Sit Around
So many people are losing their food benefits starting November 1, and I can’t sit by and watch that happen. I know what it’s like to be food insecure. I remember my mom taking food that would’ve been thrown away from her work, hiding it in her purse or her coat just to bring it… Continue reading
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In with the good, out with the bad
Last night, I had a massage with James. His hands are healing. Wow. I feel so much calmer this morning. Centered. Grounded. Ready for a day of just being home, reflecting, and breathing. A female colleague asked me recently, “What truly sets your soul on fire?” That question hasn’t left me alone. It made me… Continue reading
The Dreamer's Pen 