deep-thoughts
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When Your Body Says “Enough”
I’ve always been the one preaching self-care. Drink water. Get sleep. Set boundaries. Put the phone down. Don’t let stress run your life. I say these things easily. Confidently. Convincingly. But lately? I haven’t been living them. A few days ago, I fainted in the shower and ended up in the emergency room. Three days… Continue reading
anxiety, Authenticity, deep-thoughts, emotions, experiences, fall, feelings, Growth, health, hospital, infj, internal world, Intuition, medicine, mental health, mother, pain, philosophy, positive thoughts, purpose, reflection, relationships, self care, Self Reflection, self-discovery, suffering, Women, women’s health, Zen -
I Asked AI to Analyze My “Type” and It Low Key Read Me Perfectly
So this started as a curiosity experiment and turned into a full on mirror. I uploaded a bunch of photos of male celebrities I find attractive. Actors, comedians, writers, and musicians. You know, the usual suspects. I asked AI a simple question: Do I have a type? I expected something vague like “you like smart… Continue reading
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Rain In My Bones
I try. I shape myself into what I imagine will fit, polish the edges, tuck the jagged corners, paint over the restless cracks that betray how much I want, how much I reach. I bend and stretch, a puzzle twisted and untwisted, a melody played out of key just to be heard. And yet here… Continue reading
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I Carry Her With Me
I keep thinking about my mom and how hard she worked, how little she was ever given in return, and how unfair it all seems. She made minimum wage her entire life and worked her ass to the bone. She never had opportunities and she never had the chance to retire. My started over when… Continue reading
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Enneagram 4
This is one of the greatest video on my enneagram type- Enneagram 4! The video specific for character development in writing, but it is eye opening! After watching this video, I identify as a Social Four. I find this to be quite amazing because aunt Shirley is one of my favorite literary characters. I love… Continue reading
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The Life That Fits Me
I am so tired. Even after sleeping well, even after a quiet morning, my body insisted I lie down, and I ended up napping for four hours. Four hours. I’ve never been a napper. I’ve never needed it. And yet here I am giving in because my body won’t let me ignore the weight pressing… Continue reading
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I Got the Job and I’m Somehow Excited, Terrified, and a Little Bit of a Mess!!!!!
Okay, so… I actually got the job!!!!!! I’m officially going to be an adjunct English as a Second Language instructor at a local community college. I still don’t think it’s fully sunk in. I’m excited, like genuinely excited but also terrified. I keep thinking about my mom. English wasn’t her first language,it might not even… Continue reading
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Dreams, Guidance, and Finding My Path
Lately, my mom has been showing up in my dreams. She’s been gone for four years but in these dreams she feels so present like she’s walking beside me again, guiding me and quietly cheering me on. I keep finding myself back in her home in Germany. I’m helping people who don’t speak English. Some… Continue reading
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Listening To My Whole Self
Yesterday I had a massage that was… honestly, painful in the most delicious way. I had a different therapist this time. It was a petite woman who went deep. She found places in my back I didn’t even know existed and we breathed together as she worked, releasing tension, releasing energy I didn’t even realize… Continue reading
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What Are We Doing Here?
Sometimes I just sit. I don’t do anything. I let the world move around me and I just watch. In those moments, the questions hit me like stones in a pond and they ripple endlessly: what are we doing here? Why are we really here? Why does it feel like everything we do is designed… Continue reading
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Why Do I Keep Hiding?
Lately I’ve been asking myself a question that won’t leave me alone: “Why do I keep trying to be something I’m not?” Why do I keep molding myself to fit into rooms that drain me, conversations that flatten me, expectations that make me feel small? Why do I keep comparing myself to people who were… Continue reading
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Lost
I don’t know who I’m supposed to be anymore. I keep trying to adjust to soften my edges and to make sense in a world that feels too loud. But every time I try, I lose a little more of myself. I thought depth was a gift. Now it just feels heavy. I thought understanding… Continue reading
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Fractured Moonlight
Night devours the tree Moonlight fractures on cold limbs Silence tastes of grief Continue reading
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Life, Lately
I keep thinking about how I thought life would be. When I was a kid, I imagined this perfect sparkling version of adulthood. I would be a world famous musician, performing in beautiful concert halls wearing gowns that shimmered under the lights. I’d have this brilliantly talented musician husband and together we’d travel the world… Continue reading
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In with the good, out with the bad
Last night, I had a massage with James. His hands are healing. Wow. I feel so much calmer this morning. Centered. Grounded. Ready for a day of just being home, reflecting, and breathing. A female colleague asked me recently, “What truly sets your soul on fire?” That question hasn’t left me alone. It made me… Continue reading
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OMG
I can’t believe I’m finally going to see Pat Metheny in April!!! My heart could honestly burst!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Continue reading
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Power Out
My body has been hurting so bad. My back and neck are completely locked up and the pain has been nonstop for days. And I’ve had a horrible migraine since the end of last week. Sitting, standing, lying down – nothing feels right. I try to ignore it, I try to push through, but it’s… Continue reading
The Dreamer's Pen 