experiences
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When Your Body Says “Enough”
I’ve always been the one preaching self-care. Drink water. Get sleep. Set boundaries. Put the phone down. Don’t let stress run your life. I say these things easily. Confidently. Convincingly. But lately? I haven’t been living them. A few days ago, I fainted in the shower and ended up in the emergency room. Three days… Continue reading
anxiety, Authenticity, deep-thoughts, emotions, experiences, fall, feelings, Growth, health, hospital, infj, internal world, Intuition, medicine, mental health, mother, pain, philosophy, positive thoughts, purpose, reflection, relationships, self care, Self Reflection, self-discovery, suffering, Women, women’s health, Zen -
Rain In My Bones
I try. I shape myself into what I imagine will fit, polish the edges, tuck the jagged corners, paint over the restless cracks that betray how much I want, how much I reach. I bend and stretch, a puzzle twisted and untwisted, a melody played out of key just to be heard. And yet here… Continue reading
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I Carry Her With Me
I keep thinking about my mom and how hard she worked, how little she was ever given in return, and how unfair it all seems. She made minimum wage her entire life and worked her ass to the bone. She never had opportunities and she never had the chance to retire. My started over when… Continue reading
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Completely Moved
I am completely and utterly moved by this class. I don’t even know where to begin, except to say that being in that space with the students, with the faculty, with everyone in the ESL department, has touched me in a way I wasn’t expecting. There is a generosity here, a kindness that is so… Continue reading
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A Slow, Honest Thanksgiving
This Thanksgiving is a little quieter for me and a little slower. Nothing fancy. It’s just real life. You’ll see clips of my day, cooking, puttering around the house, and talking about the things I’m thankful for this year. It’s my fourth Thanksgiving without my mom, so the day feels different but I invited my… Continue reading
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The Life That Fits Me
I am so tired. Even after sleeping well, even after a quiet morning, my body insisted I lie down, and I ended up napping for four hours. Four hours. I’ve never been a napper. I’ve never needed it. And yet here I am giving in because my body won’t let me ignore the weight pressing… Continue reading
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I Need A Reset
I’m overwhelmed. There are so many things that need to be done and I feel like they’re all piling up on top of me. I’m exhausted from the world and from life right now and I just needed to admit that out loud. Tonight I finally hit the point where I couldn’t push anymore. I… Continue reading
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I Got the Job and I’m Somehow Excited, Terrified, and a Little Bit of a Mess!!!!!
Okay, so… I actually got the job!!!!!! I’m officially going to be an adjunct English as a Second Language instructor at a local community college. I still don’t think it’s fully sunk in. I’m excited, like genuinely excited but also terrified. I keep thinking about my mom. English wasn’t her first language,it might not even… Continue reading
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Dreams, Guidance, and Finding My Path
Lately, my mom has been showing up in my dreams. She’s been gone for four years but in these dreams she feels so present like she’s walking beside me again, guiding me and quietly cheering me on. I keep finding myself back in her home in Germany. I’m helping people who don’t speak English. Some… Continue reading
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Listening To My Whole Self
Yesterday I had a massage that was… honestly, painful in the most delicious way. I had a different therapist this time. It was a petite woman who went deep. She found places in my back I didn’t even know existed and we breathed together as she worked, releasing tension, releasing energy I didn’t even realize… Continue reading
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What Are We Doing Here?
Sometimes I just sit. I don’t do anything. I let the world move around me and I just watch. In those moments, the questions hit me like stones in a pond and they ripple endlessly: what are we doing here? Why are we really here? Why does it feel like everything we do is designed… Continue reading
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Sore, Humbled, and Grateful: A Day in Service
Today is the end of the day, and I’m still carrying everything I saw. I went in expecting a few hours of volunteering, thinking I’d help in small ways and leave feeling like I had done something good. But the day unfolded differently. My shift lasted far longer than planned because people kept coming. Families,… Continue reading
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Lost
I don’t know who I’m supposed to be anymore. I keep trying to adjust to soften my edges and to make sense in a world that feels too loud. But every time I try, I lose a little more of myself. I thought depth was a gift. Now it just feels heavy. I thought understanding… Continue reading
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Becoming the Person Who Can Hold It All
It sounds like I’ll probably be teaching an ESL course starting in January. When I say that out loud, it feels both exciting and humbling, like a door quietly opening into the next chapter of my life. I’m nervous, of course. Not because I doubt my ability, but because I know how much balance this… Continue reading
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Fractured Moonlight
Night devours the tree Moonlight fractures on cold limbs Silence tastes of grief Continue reading
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Life, Lately
I keep thinking about how I thought life would be. When I was a kid, I imagined this perfect sparkling version of adulthood. I would be a world famous musician, performing in beautiful concert halls wearing gowns that shimmered under the lights. I’d have this brilliantly talented musician husband and together we’d travel the world… Continue reading
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I Can’t Sit Around
So many people are losing their food benefits starting November 1, and I can’t sit by and watch that happen. I know what it’s like to be food insecure. I remember my mom taking food that would’ve been thrown away from her work, hiding it in her purse or her coat just to bring it… Continue reading
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In with the good, out with the bad
Last night, I had a massage with James. His hands are healing. Wow. I feel so much calmer this morning. Centered. Grounded. Ready for a day of just being home, reflecting, and breathing. A female colleague asked me recently, “What truly sets your soul on fire?” That question hasn’t left me alone. It made me… Continue reading
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OMG
I can’t believe I’m finally going to see Pat Metheny in April!!! My heart could honestly burst!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Continue reading
The Dreamer's Pen 