pain
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The Life That Fits Me
I am so tired. Even after sleeping well, even after a quiet morning, my body insisted I lie down, and I ended up napping for four hours. Four hours. I’ve never been a napper. I’ve never needed it. And yet here I am giving in because my body won’t let me ignore the weight pressing Continue reading
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The Dream That Shook Me Awake
Last night I had one of the most terrifying dreams I’ve had in a long time and it left me waking up with this heavy, uneasy feeling that still hasn’t lifted. It was vivid in a way that felt brutally real and the worst part is that it involved actual people from my job. For Continue reading
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Listening To My Whole Self
Yesterday I had a massage that was… honestly, painful in the most delicious way. I had a different therapist this time. It was a petite woman who went deep. She found places in my back I didn’t even know existed and we breathed together as she worked, releasing tension, releasing energy I didn’t even realize Continue reading
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Lost
I don’t know who I’m supposed to be anymore. I keep trying to adjust to soften my edges and to make sense in a world that feels too loud. But every time I try, I lose a little more of myself. I thought depth was a gift. Now it just feels heavy. I thought understanding Continue reading
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Fractured Moonlight
Night devours the tree Moonlight fractures on cold limbs Silence tastes of grief Continue reading
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Power Out
My body has been hurting so bad. My back and neck are completely locked up and the pain has been nonstop for days. And I’ve had a horrible migraine since the end of last week. Sitting, standing, lying down – nothing feels right. I try to ignore it, I try to push through, but it’s Continue reading
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Hibernate
alone, anxiety, Authenticity, autumn, body, cozy, dark, death, deep-thoughts, emotions, exhausted, existentialism, fear, feeler, feelings, FemininePower, funeral, grief, guilt, healing, health, hibernation, hurt, hurting, inner-work, lazy, life, lonely, loss, mental health, my life, night, pain, rain, recovery, relationships, relaxation, rest, self care, Self portrait, Self Reflection, sleep, Slow Down, still life, suffering, tension, tired, tiresome, wellness, worn, worried, Zen -
Carrying Ghosts
I don’t really understand what’s happening, but it feels like my symptoms are coming back. My neck and shoulders are so tense it feels like I’m carrying the weight of everything I’ve ever survived. It’s the same tension I had before I was medicated, the kind that never really leaves. I am also so incredibly Continue reading
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Dear Infj,
You give. You give everything. Your heart, your time, your energy, your attention – and yet, so often, it feels like the world doesn’t see you. You pour yourself into others, believing in connection, in goodness, in the possibility of shared understanding. But instead, you find yourself misunderstood, overlooked, and sometimes even used. Lauren Sapala Continue reading
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Numb
I am drained. Everything swirls. It’s chaotic and relentless. Political upheaval rattles the news. My car, side swiped on the way home today. (But I am okay) Exhaustion settles deep. Grief. Trauma. I need rest. I will hibernate this weekend. Hide from the noise, from the storm, from everything. Continue reading
car, exhausted, experiences, grief, hibernation, hurt, hurting, life, moments, numb, pain, Self Reflection, trauma, veg out -
Letting Go: The Hardest Donation I’ve Ever Made
Today I took an enormous carload (literally packed from floor to ceiling ) of clothes to charity. I know it probably sounds simple, but it was honestly one of the hardest things I’ve done in a really long time. Handing over those bags felt like letting go of pieces of myself. And now, I’ll be Continue reading
anxiety, Authenticity, autumn, blog, body image, charity, clothes, consciousness, creative-writing, deep-thoughts, donation, emotions, empty, enneagram4w5, experiences, fall, FemininePower, grief, healing, heartache, infj, inner-work, Intuition, life, lonely, longing, loss, moments, mother, pain, Self Reflection, self-discovery, spiritual, suffering, wardrobe, women’s health -
The Great Closet Purge
I decided to completely annihilate my wardrobe. Like, everything came out. Every hanger. Every bin. Every drawer. My living room is basically a fabric apocalypse right now. We’re talking over twenty years of clothes. Some of it belonged to my mom but most of it’s mine and they represent my moods, my body changes, and Continue reading
Authenticity, body image, clothes, connection, creative-writing, death, enneagram4w5, experiences, femininity, grief, Growth, healing, heartache, infj, inner-work, Intuition, life, love, MBTI, mental health, Mindfulness, moments, mother, my life, pain, positive thoughts, purpose, reflection, relationships, self care, Self Reflection, self-discovery, starting over, suffering, women’s health, Zen -
Four Years Later: Remembering My Mom
Today marks four years since my mom passed away. Four years and yet it feels like it happened yesterday. Her death was sudden, shocking, and completely flipped the world my dad and I knew. She had been having health issues during Covid, and because of the pandemic, she couldn’t get the care she desperately needed. Continue reading
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Unpicked
Leaves fall, winds may pass, I root deep despite the frost, Unpicked, yet I stand. Continue reading
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Words, Connection, and My Mom’s Legacy
I made my first vlog — something completely new for me. I actually love speaking in public, so that’s not an issue at all. It’s just that, like many INFJs, I often feel that my words come across more clearly and beautifully on paper than they do out loud. Still, I wanted to challenge myself to Continue reading
alone, anxiety, autumn, bombing, community, connection, death, deep-thoughts, experiences, FemininePower, funeral, Germans, germany, grief, Growth, healing, heartache, infj, inner-work, life, lonely, longing, love, medicine, mental health, moments, mother, my life, narcissists, pain, poverty, psychology, reflection, relationships, self care, Self Reflection, September, soulful, spiritual, strength, Vlogs, women’s health, world War ii, worried -
Evening Reflections – September 10, 2025
What are you doing this evening? This evening I am sitting quietly in my recliner with Chewy by my side. I feel absolutely drained. Today has been one of the most stressful and heartbreaking days I can remember in a long time. Work itself was already heavy, but what overshadowed everything was the conversations in Continue reading
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Bracing For Fall
When I was little, every season in Washington carried its own kind of magic. Summer was blackberry stained fingers and stubborn sunsets that lingered long after bedtime. Spring was cherry blossoms scattered across wet sidewalks, tulips rising out of soggy earth. Winter was snow on the Cascades, holiday lights against dark evergreens, breath curling white Continue reading
art, artistic, Authenticity, autumn, community, consciousness, creative-writing, death, deep-thoughts, experiences, fall, feeler, feelings, Growth, heartache, infj, inner-work, Inspiration, life, longing, Mindfulness, moments, mother, nature, pain, positive thoughts, recovery, reflection, seasons, Self Reflection, suffering, tired, whimsy, writing -
🌿 I Made a Video About Letting Go
I recently filmed a video about something that’s been unfolding quietly in my life: The slow, personal process of letting go. Letting go of isolation. Letting go of second guessing myself. Letting go of the things I carried for so long, I forgot I could set them down. This isn’t a “how to.” It’s a Continue reading
anxiety, Authenticity, calm, community, connection, consciousness, deep-thoughts, experiences, feeler, feelings, femininity, grief, Growth, health, heartache, infj, Intuition, Learning, lonely, love, mental health, Mindfulness, moments, pain, positive thoughts, ptsd, purpose, reflection, relationships, self care, Self Reflection, self-discovery, suffering, tired, Zen
The Dreamer's Pen 