Self Reflection
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Pinch Me
I still can’t believe it. I mean that literally. I’m a college professor now. The word professor is actually in my job title and every single time I see it, my brain short circuits. I stare at it. I reread it. I wait for someone to tell me there’s been a mistake. Because surely they Continue reading
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What Am I Doing?
I finally took the time to slow down. In the stillness, I feel the edges of myself I’d forgotten and the pieces I’ve lost along the way. I feel the absence of my mom more sharply than I thought I could and the weight of the holidays presses in. I sit with it all—the longing, Continue reading
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Memories
I went through my mom’s perfumes today: Chanel, Charlie, White Diamonds, Body by Victoria, just to name a few. So many memories that made me happy and sad at the same time. I miss my mom. There’s something about scent, you know? It can take you back in an instant, make you feel close to Continue reading
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Completely Moved
I am completely and utterly moved by this class. I don’t even know where to begin, except to say that being in that space with the students, with the faculty, with everyone in the ESL department, has touched me in a way I wasn’t expecting. There is a generosity here, a kindness that is so Continue reading
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A Slow, Honest Thanksgiving
This Thanksgiving is a little quieter for me and a little slower. Nothing fancy. It’s just real life. You’ll see clips of my day, cooking, puttering around the house, and talking about the things I’m thankful for this year. It’s my fourth Thanksgiving without my mom, so the day feels different but I invited my Continue reading
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The Life That Fits Me
I am so tired. Even after sleeping well, even after a quiet morning, my body insisted I lie down, and I ended up napping for four hours. Four hours. I’ve never been a napper. I’ve never needed it. And yet here I am giving in because my body won’t let me ignore the weight pressing Continue reading
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The Dream That Shook Me Awake
Last night I had one of the most terrifying dreams I’ve had in a long time and it left me waking up with this heavy, uneasy feeling that still hasn’t lifted. It was vivid in a way that felt brutally real and the worst part is that it involved actual people from my job. For Continue reading
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I Got the Job and I’m Somehow Excited, Terrified, and a Little Bit of a Mess!!!!!
Okay, so… I actually got the job!!!!!! I’m officially going to be an adjunct English as a Second Language instructor at a local community college. I still don’t think it’s fully sunk in. I’m excited, like genuinely excited but also terrified. I keep thinking about my mom. English wasn’t her first language,it might not even Continue reading
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Dreams, Guidance, and Finding My Path
Lately, my mom has been showing up in my dreams. She’s been gone for four years but in these dreams she feels so present like she’s walking beside me again, guiding me and quietly cheering me on. I keep finding myself back in her home in Germany. I’m helping people who don’t speak English. Some Continue reading
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Listening To My Whole Self
Yesterday I had a massage that was… honestly, painful in the most delicious way. I had a different therapist this time. It was a petite woman who went deep. She found places in my back I didn’t even know existed and we breathed together as she worked, releasing tension, releasing energy I didn’t even realize Continue reading
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What Are We Doing Here?
Sometimes I just sit. I don’t do anything. I let the world move around me and I just watch. In those moments, the questions hit me like stones in a pond and they ripple endlessly: what are we doing here? Why are we really here? Why does it feel like everything we do is designed Continue reading
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Why Do I Keep Hiding?
Lately I’ve been asking myself a question that won’t leave me alone: “Why do I keep trying to be something I’m not?” Why do I keep molding myself to fit into rooms that drain me, conversations that flatten me, expectations that make me feel small? Why do I keep comparing myself to people who were Continue reading
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The Shape of Me
I wrote a song about being the Enneagram 4 and what it’s like to feel deeply, notice everything, and exist fully in all the messiness and beauty of life. Visit my Suno page to hear my other music: Continue reading
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Lost
I don’t know who I’m supposed to be anymore. I keep trying to adjust to soften my edges and to make sense in a world that feels too loud. But every time I try, I lose a little more of myself. I thought depth was a gift. Now it just feels heavy. I thought understanding Continue reading
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Life, Lately
I keep thinking about how I thought life would be. When I was a kid, I imagined this perfect sparkling version of adulthood. I would be a world famous musician, performing in beautiful concert halls wearing gowns that shimmered under the lights. I’d have this brilliantly talented musician husband and together we’d travel the world Continue reading
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In with the good, out with the bad
Last night, I had a massage with James. His hands are healing. Wow. I feel so much calmer this morning. Centered. Grounded. Ready for a day of just being home, reflecting, and breathing. A female colleague asked me recently, “What truly sets your soul on fire?” That question hasn’t left me alone. It made me Continue reading
The Dreamer's Pen 