Self Reflection
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When Your Body Says “Enough”
I’ve always been the one preaching self-care. Drink water. Get sleep. Set boundaries. Put the phone down. Don’t let stress run your life. I say these things easily. Confidently. Convincingly. But lately? I haven’t been living them. A few days ago, I fainted in the shower and ended up in the emergency room. Three days… Continue reading
anxiety, Authenticity, deep-thoughts, emotions, experiences, fall, feelings, Growth, health, hospital, infj, internal world, Intuition, medicine, mental health, mother, pain, philosophy, positive thoughts, purpose, reflection, relationships, self care, Self Reflection, self-discovery, suffering, Women, women’s health, Zen -
I Asked AI to Analyze My “Type” and It Low Key Read Me Perfectly
So this started as a curiosity experiment and turned into a full on mirror. I uploaded a bunch of photos of male celebrities I find attractive. Actors, comedians, writers, and musicians. You know, the usual suspects. I asked AI a simple question: Do I have a type? I expected something vague like “you like smart… Continue reading
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Why Color Speaks to Me
I don’t know why color and sunlight speak to me the way they do. I’ve tried to put it into words a million times, and I never get it right, because it’s not really something you can explain. It’s something you feel. It’s in your chest, your spine, and the way your skin tingles when… Continue reading
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Rain In My Bones
I try. I shape myself into what I imagine will fit, polish the edges, tuck the jagged corners, paint over the restless cracks that betray how much I want, how much I reach. I bend and stretch, a puzzle twisted and untwisted, a melody played out of key just to be heard. And yet here… Continue reading
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Pinch Me
I still can’t believe it. I mean that literally. I’m a college professor now. The word professor is actually in my job title and every single time I see it, my brain short circuits. I stare at it. I reread it. I wait for someone to tell me there’s been a mistake. Because surely they… Continue reading
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What Am I Doing?
I finally took the time to slow down. In the stillness, I feel the edges of myself I’d forgotten and the pieces I’ve lost along the way. I feel the absence of my mom more sharply than I thought I could and the weight of the holidays presses in. I sit with it all—the longing,… Continue reading
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Memories
I went through my mom’s perfumes today: Chanel, Charlie, White Diamonds, Body by Victoria, just to name a few. So many memories that made me happy and sad at the same time. I miss my mom. There’s something about scent, you know? It can take you back in an instant, make you feel close to… Continue reading
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Completely Moved
I am completely and utterly moved by this class. I don’t even know where to begin, except to say that being in that space with the students, with the faculty, with everyone in the ESL department, has touched me in a way I wasn’t expecting. There is a generosity here, a kindness that is so… Continue reading
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A Slow, Honest Thanksgiving
This Thanksgiving is a little quieter for me and a little slower. Nothing fancy. It’s just real life. You’ll see clips of my day, cooking, puttering around the house, and talking about the things I’m thankful for this year. It’s my fourth Thanksgiving without my mom, so the day feels different but I invited my… Continue reading
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The Life That Fits Me
I am so tired. Even after sleeping well, even after a quiet morning, my body insisted I lie down, and I ended up napping for four hours. Four hours. I’ve never been a napper. I’ve never needed it. And yet here I am giving in because my body won’t let me ignore the weight pressing… Continue reading
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The Dream That Shook Me Awake
Last night I had one of the most terrifying dreams I’ve had in a long time and it left me waking up with this heavy, uneasy feeling that still hasn’t lifted. It was vivid in a way that felt brutally real and the worst part is that it involved actual people from my job. For… Continue reading
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I Got the Job and I’m Somehow Excited, Terrified, and a Little Bit of a Mess!!!!!
Okay, so… I actually got the job!!!!!! I’m officially going to be an adjunct English as a Second Language instructor at a local community college. I still don’t think it’s fully sunk in. I’m excited, like genuinely excited but also terrified. I keep thinking about my mom. English wasn’t her first language,it might not even… Continue reading
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Dreams, Guidance, and Finding My Path
Lately, my mom has been showing up in my dreams. She’s been gone for four years but in these dreams she feels so present like she’s walking beside me again, guiding me and quietly cheering me on. I keep finding myself back in her home in Germany. I’m helping people who don’t speak English. Some… Continue reading
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Listening To My Whole Self
Yesterday I had a massage that was… honestly, painful in the most delicious way. I had a different therapist this time. It was a petite woman who went deep. She found places in my back I didn’t even know existed and we breathed together as she worked, releasing tension, releasing energy I didn’t even realize… Continue reading
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What Are We Doing Here?
Sometimes I just sit. I don’t do anything. I let the world move around me and I just watch. In those moments, the questions hit me like stones in a pond and they ripple endlessly: what are we doing here? Why are we really here? Why does it feel like everything we do is designed… Continue reading
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Why Do I Keep Hiding?
Lately I’ve been asking myself a question that won’t leave me alone: “Why do I keep trying to be something I’m not?” Why do I keep molding myself to fit into rooms that drain me, conversations that flatten me, expectations that make me feel small? Why do I keep comparing myself to people who were… Continue reading
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The Shape of Me
I wrote a song about being the Enneagram 4 and what it’s like to feel deeply, notice everything, and exist fully in all the messiness and beauty of life. Visit my Suno page to hear my other music: Continue reading
The Dreamer's Pen 